Trying to stop being fat....

I've been trying to lose weight and attempting to get healthy for years.... I've yoyoed my way through life starting when I was in 6th grade at the good ol age of 12.... Younger than my boys are now. I've always been an eater... Eat when I'm happy, sad, angry, anxious..... In Jr. High I was 180lbs. I fluctuated from 180 to 220 until I was 16 and found out I was pregnant with my Jacob. The day of delivery I was 310! A lot of it was fluid but still. That's a scary number. After a week in the hospital because I had pre-clampsia I weighed 265. I didn't really pay attention to myself for a while and lost down to 230 before finding out 5 months later I was pregnant with my Devin. I only gained up to 265 with him and got down to 220 within a year after. I remember feeling awful and ugly still though. I was so focused on my boys that I forgot about myself and forgot about my husband... (Another story for another time. He's  my soulmate though and loves me through it all). A friend of mine went through a horrible event and it affected me greatly so I ate my way back to 310. Being 310 while pregnant and being 310 because you've eaten your emotions is a totally different feeling. We eventually moved back to our home town and I found a doctor that prescribed me diet pills. I lost down to 239 then couldn't afford to go back. I've struggled with diets, diet pills, working out, my own mind.....a few different life events went on from 2006-2012 and I gained back to 306lbs.  I want to be healthy. I have the tools. But good Jesus I can't seem to get myself together. I'm a 32 year old woman who is completely lost! My body and brain crave sugar and carbs! I love all those "bad" foods! So here I am. I'm starting again today at 278. Feeling defeated. I'm depressed, frustrated, and feeling very unnatractive.