Rolling with the punches

In the past 2 weeks I've had ups and down.... Went back to eating low carb and in the first week lost 10 pounds. Then a cheat day led to another cheat day led to me being miserable and up 5 pounds. I'm not quitting though. I have a goal. It won't happen over night but I don't want to gain anymore either. I just need to calm down and take it slow. My moods have been all over the place. When I eat good... I feel good.... When I binge I'm miserable..... It's just a vicious cycle. 

My husband has officially been working in another state for 8 weeks. And said today he doesn't know when the job will be over. So far there's no indication. I miss him terribly. Every thing about him. It makes you start to think about all the times he's gotten on your nerves... Makes me wish I'd had more patience then. Makes me miss the slap on the butt, the hug from behind, the sweet touches and kisses, laying on the couch.... Just being able to look at him. .... 

I'm trying to stay busy. Working, reading, doing reviews..... Being with my boys. 

It'll all work out. It always does. I just have to hold on roll with it. 

Trying to stop being fat....

I've been trying to lose weight and attempting to get healthy for years.... I've yoyoed my way through life starting when I was in 6th grade at the good ol age of 12.... Younger than my boys are now. I've always been an eater... Eat when I'm happy, sad, angry, anxious..... In Jr. High I was 180lbs. I fluctuated from 180 to 220 until I was 16 and found out I was pregnant with my Jacob. The day of delivery I was 310! A lot of it was fluid but still. That's a scary number. After a week in the hospital because I had pre-clampsia I weighed 265. I didn't really pay attention to myself for a while and lost down to 230 before finding out 5 months later I was pregnant with my Devin. I only gained up to 265 with him and got down to 220 within a year after. I remember feeling awful and ugly still though. I was so focused on my boys that I forgot about myself and forgot about my husband... (Another story for another time. He's  my soulmate though and loves me through it all). A friend of mine went through a horrible event and it affected me greatly so I ate my way back to 310. Being 310 while pregnant and being 310 because you've eaten your emotions is a totally different feeling. We eventually moved back to our home town and I found a doctor that prescribed me diet pills. I lost down to 239 then couldn't afford to go back. I've struggled with diets, diet pills, working out, my own mind.....a few different life events went on from 2006-2012 and I gained back to 306lbs.  I want to be healthy. I have the tools. But good Jesus I can't seem to get myself together. I'm a 32 year old woman who is completely lost! My body and brain crave sugar and carbs! I love all those "bad" foods! So here I am. I'm starting again today at 278. Feeling defeated. I'm depressed, frustrated, and feeling very unnatractive. 

Funky and fabulous!

So this morning I got a wild hair and decided to paint my night stands.... They were once part of an old vanity but were gifted to me 15 years ago as only the two chest. I had some paint and sand paper on hand so here's my funky fabulous creation! 

I sanded them Down then painted a few coats in white. I roughed up the corners and places it would usually show wear and tear.... I kept the old knobs.... Over all I'm really happy! And I only spent maybe $3 when I bought the paint a while back. I love cheap things! 

People and their comments!

I smile, I laugh, and I enjoy life! I stay away from drama and mess because I don't like those life complications. People have been telling me I smile too much while my husband is away, I'm too happy without him.... Just because you don't see me falling apart doesn't mean it's not hard and doesn't hurt. My husband has been in Pennsylvania working for a month. Me and the boys are still in Texas. We call, video chat, email, text, instant message...which believe me is a blessing!  Back in 2000 when we started dating and he went into the Marines it was a different story.... My husband is amazing!  I miss him... I miss sitting beside him, holding his hand, sleeping beside him... It is hard to be away from someone you love. Don't think that because I pick myself up every day and put on a smile, take care of what needs taken care and am a happy person that this is easy or I don't care.... . Ok... Rant over... For now. 😉